My sweet little T-Bird,
I’ve been thinking about you an awful lot today. Wondering what you’ll be like. Dreaming about that first moment that I see your beautiful face. I find myself having to pull my thoughts back to whatever trivial task I am working on at the time. I would so much rather dream my dreams of you, but there will be time for that. For now, I have to stay focused. It is so hard to know that there is so much work still to do before you can come home. Sometimes, I feel like we’ll never make it. But I know that we must keep fighting. We have to keep working. Our sweet little T-bird needs us. For you, I’m already willing to do anything.
I have so many questions about who you are and when you’ll come. Will your birth mother or birth father want to play a role in your life? Will I know the right things to say to them? Will you know the strength of my love in those magical first moments that we meet? It fills my heart with inexpressible joy when I think of you, and at the same time it leaves me with an ache that I can’t quite explain. How long will I have to wait to meet you? Am I working hard enough and fast enough to bring you home? Will you know the depth of my love even in those moments when I fail as your momma? Will my love be enough to help you overcome the hurt you’ll know from being given up by your birth family? I sure hope. All I can do is hope and pray.
I haven’t met you. I don’t even know if you have been conceived yet. I don’t know what color your hair will be or the shade of your skin. I picture you with brown eyes, but they could be blue or even green. I could have mere months to wait, or perhaps the time will be much longer. I can only hope and pray that I will meet you soon. Waiting is difficult. I’m trying my best to trust in the Lord’s timing but it can be so hard when I feel like I’ve already waited so long. Yet, I am willing to fight for you. Your daddy and I are willing to work and wait for as long as it takes to bring you home. I am willing to put my heart on the line for the dream of what will be. I’m holding fast to the promise I feel in my heart that you are coming. I wish I knew when, but for now I will be content in this season of working and waiting.
T-bird, I don’t know when it happened or how it happened- all I know is that I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you. I feel like my life is moving so quickly because there is always something to do. There is always somewhere to be. Yet, at the same time the minutes and hours and days crawl by. For now, there is no end in sight. There is no magical day set aside for us to meet. We just have to keep working. You are worth every ounce of effort, every smile, every tear. We won’t be the perfect parents. We’ll mess up. Despite our best efforts we won’t be able to understand some of the things you will feel and experience. Our love won’t be able to heal and fix all of your wounds. But I hope that we know how to point you to a Heavenly Father who can heal and fix even the deepest wound.
We will have hard times, but we will also have good times. We will fight for you. We will fight with you. I hope and pray that you will never for one moment doubt that you are loved fiercely. You may not always feel it, but, I can promise you that you were wanted from the very moment you were conceived. By me. …. By us. We sure can’t wait to meet you.
For this child I prayed and the Lord granted the desires of my heart. 1 Samuel 1:27