We’ve been moving full steam ahead the last several weeks. Things have been moving so fast it’s hard to keep up- but for now I’m not complaining! We’re elbow deep in preparations for our home study which is exciting and scary all at the same time. We are in this season of perpetual forward movement because we are so anxious to get the “hard” parts over with. I want to be finished with our home study. (Please be in prayer with us that we can wrap it up before Thanksgiving!) I want us to be finished with fundraising! (Wouldn’t it be INCREDIBLE if we could finish up before the start of 2016?! We have big goals but we serve a BIG God! Be praying with us about that too!) In this season of moving forward, I’ve started to gather photos for the book that will be shown to the birth mother (and possibly/hopefully the birth father). They will be shown this book as a way to help them decide if they want us to parent their child. This book will include facts and stories about Ryan and I, as well as our family and friends. We want them to have a good glimpse into our lives and know that this baby will be loved more than they could hope.
On the first page of this book we’ll write a letter to the birthparent(s). I’ve thought about what I wanted to say to them (or her) off and on since we first started to pray about adoption. I don’t know how you narrow down what you want to say to the woman who is giving birth to your child- and then fit it on to one page. Obviously, I like to write! (ha!) The task seems impossible and completely overwhelming. There are so many things I want to say to her. I’ve started drafting this letter at least a dozen times and each time I end up
scratching it and putting it aside. I just can’t figure out how to condense everything, share my heart and still make sense.
(For the sake of not being too wordy… I’ll refer to the birth parent(s) as “her” for the rest of this blog. We are hoping and praying to also have the same opportunities to share with the birth father)
I really want to share with her how much she is loved. Not only do I already love her and pray for her because of the journey she has chosen, I also want to share with her how much she is loved by God. I hope she has heard it at least 100 times by the time she reads our letter. One of the reasons why we chose to go with Abba is because they love Jesus and share His love with the mothers who come to them for help. I want her to know that she is His child & that He wants her. He loves her. He isn’t mad. She is valuable. I hope that she already knows Him, but if she doesn’t it’s my prayer for her to come to know who Jesus is through her adoption journey. I want her to know that He is powerful enough to help her overcome any obstacle she is facing or may face. We will continue to pray for her. I want her to know real love.
I want her to know that we are so thankful to have the opportunity to raise her child- and that our baby will grow up knowing the sacrificial love she had for him/her. We won’t take the privilege of raising this child lightly. We will be thankful for her and her sacrifice every single day. We will love this baby unconditionally. It doesn’t matter to me that he/she didn’t grow inside of me. This baby has already taken root in my heart so deeply that my love could never be removed.
I want her to know who Ryan and I are and be comfortable with the choice she is making. (Praying for that peace in her heart that surpasses all understanding.) I don’t think we’re a “typical” couple. We’re serious about our walk with Christ. We’re serious about our love for each other. We’re serious about making our life fun & adventurous! We know that our life will change dramatically with a baby, but we don’t ever want to stop having fun with each other or as a family. We want to be spontaneous and although we will age in number- we always want to remain young at heart!
I want her to know that we will do our best to point this child to Jesus in all things. We pray every day that this child will know without a doubt that they are loved by God. We want them to know that He created he/she for a plan. This child has never been unwanted because we have wanted them since before they were conceived. We will walk beside them through every victory and every trial. We will love them no matter what choices or mistakes they may make. We will always fight for them & with them. We will love them regardless of where they go in life. We will never, ever give up on them.
I want her to know that we will make mistakes. We won’t be perfect. We’ll get frustrated. We’ll lose our temper. We’ll get overwhelmed from time to time. But we’ll always give him/her our very best.
There’s so much I want to share with her. I want her to know that we’ll speak of her in our home with love and respect. We will walk with our child as they wrestle with the emotions of understanding adoption. We will support them in their decisions regarding the future and whether or not they want to seek out their birth family when the time is right. This is just the tip of the giant ice burg that is floating around inside of my head. I’ve been praying that God will give us the words to share our hearts with the heart that He is preparing to step in to this journey with us. I’m sure I’ll keep starting and erasing until the words just seem right.
There is nothing about this process that is easy. Most days I feel an urgency and a heaviness in my heart because I want to be ready whenever this child comes into our life. Each step is difficult, and as we travel down this road it seems that the steps get even more difficult. Our hearts are more invested with each step- which means that the risk and depth us being hurt also grows. But, each step is worth the effort, the risk and the fear. Each step that we take brings us one step closer to meeting our baby. I still dream about that moment. I imagine what it will be like to hold our baby for the first time and to know that this is the child that we have prayed for and fought for. I know that this will be one of the sweetest, most profound moments of my entire life.
I also have to remember that we aren’t the only ones who are traveling on this difficult journey. The woman who will be carrying our baby will also be traveling a long, difficult road. Our road ends with the unimaginable joy of having our baby placed in our arms! Her journey will end much differently. Ours in joy- hers in pain. Ours with full hearts, hers with empty arms. No matter the circumstances that led her to the decision to give her baby to us- she will be making a precious sacrifice for the life of our child. What a beautiful story we’ll have to share with our T-bird.
Please join us in praying for her.