Can I just say how thankful I am that October is OVER?! Historically, I have a really hard time through the month of October. I’ve experienced a lot of loss in the month of October through the years and it’s just hard. Call it seasonal depression or whatever you’d like, but October typically brings with it heartache, stress and anxiety. The best thing about October is being able to celebrate Ryan’s birthday (he turned 29 on the 26th!). It’s good to end a tough month on a high note! My sister and her family flew up from Florida for a few days which was truly bittersweet. It was so, so good to see them and to play with/cuddle my niece Isabella. But, my sister & her husband were (and still are) grieving the very recent loss of baby C #2 as she suffered a miscarriage. Continued prayers for her and her husband would be so appreciated.
This year October brought with it some pretty serious anxiety for me. I struggled most of the month with some intense panic attacks that would seemingly come from nowhere in particular. It’s something I had never experienced before. I have a new respect and compassion for those who deal with anxiety and panic attacks on a regular basis. They can be so scary! I can recognize WHY they happened at this point. Working 50+ hours a week for weeks on end, being a full time student, keeping up with responsibilities at home and church, going through the home study process and continued fundraising for our little T-bird fund was just a lot to take in and take on at once. My body was revolting against the pressure I was putting on it. I’m pleased to say that I’m doing much better. I’m nearly 2 weeks panic-attack free. (Thank you, God!) I’ve been making serious strides to EAT better (we’re juicing at least 1 meal a day and I’m actually starting to LIKE it.) We’ve also been making serious strides to MOVE more which has really helped me to reduce my stress levels. There are a few other things I’m prayerfully considering to help reduce my stress levels, but overall things are looking much, much better!
So basically, in October we took some time off from the giant hustle of fundraising. Mentally, I just couldn’t do it. I knew I needed a break. I really got wrapped up in the “me” of doing things and lost sight of how God has already done so much to make it happen. I know I need to do my part, but I also can’t forget that it’s Him who is providing and it’s God who will make a way. It’s not me or what I’m doing. We’ve done a few little things here and there (t-shirts!) but we really didn’t have any major events after our Sonora’s fundraiser at the beginning of the month. That’ll be changing as we have some ideas for the Holiday’s that will hopefully help bring us into the home stretch! I’m still hoping and trusting that our goal of being fully funded by January 1st will happen. I figure the closer it gets, & the further away we are…the more people will recognize that God is the one who brought it all together, right?!
In other (fun!) news we broke down and bought our first baby outfit. Eek! It is adorable. It’s something that will work for a boy or a girl and honestly, it was just fun! We’re starting to talk more about our nursery and how we want things to come together and are planning a trip to Baby’s R Us soon. (How crazy is that?!) Even though we have a crib, we haven’t opened the box yet. I just don’t think I’m ready to walk by a room ready for our baby if I don’t know when he/she is coming.
I’m also starting to REALLY get excited about Christmas this year! Ryan has been chomping at the bit to put our tree up, but I’m holding strong (for now) and saying we need to wait another few weeks. I do think we’ll go ahead and get the outside lights up. For me, I think I’m so excited about it because it feels like this will be our last Christmas as a family of 2. Ryan and I have so enjoyed making our own traditions and celebrating together. This Christmas will be extra special for us. It’s also exciting because we hope that this is our last Christmas as a family of 2! We’re already dreaming about new family traditions with our children and how much fun it will be to have a new tiny person with us to celebrate next year! I’ve already decided, I don’t want any gifts for Christmas this year. It’s not really what Christmas is about anyways. The only thing I truly want is for us to have the funds we need to bring our baby home. So, if you want to do something special for the Wymer family for Christmas… consider making a donation to our adoption fund. If not, volunteer to help someone out, donate items or food to a pantry or ministry to help someone in need or adopt a child who otherwise wouldn’t have Christmas. There’s nothing material we need or that I want more than for my family to grow. We don’t plan to buy much in the way of Christmas gifts this year either. We want to practice what we “preach” so to say… so we’ll be volunteering more, making donations to some charities/organizations that we love and adopting a kid or two in need of some Christmas cheer.
Thanks for checking in and continuing to follow along with our Adoption Story. It’s such an exciting, roller coaster of a journey! It’s hard to be transparent sometimes, but I think it’s important for me to be honest about the ups and the downs. Maybe one day someone will stumble along this blog who needs to know they aren’t alone and that they don’t have to create the perfect adoption story. After all, none of us will be perfect parents… we’ll do the very best we can to love our children and teach them to be the best they can be, but we’ll screw up. It’ll be hard sometimes but the good will always outweigh the bad. We just need to trust God to write our story. Trusting Him when things are good is easy, but when things get difficult it’s easy to lose sight of trusting and move into panic.
By the way! November is Adoption Awareness Month! You’ll be seeing LOTS from me on facebook and occasionally here on the blog to help promote awareness and education about adoption. I have a feeling that Adoption Advocacy and Awareness will always be a HUGE part of my heart. If one more child finds a home because of something I’ve shared (or you’ve shared!) or said then it will be so worth it!