When I read that the adoption journey wasn’t for the faint of heart, I didn’t realize
just how true that statement was. Guys, this is really hard. I know without a shadow of doubt that this is the journey God has called Ryan and I on, and in the end all of the ups and downs will be worth it. I can’t imagine what it will be like to hold our baby for the first time and know that this was what all of our hard work, tears, stress, and exhaustion was for.
Every day someone asks me if there is any news or updates on our baby. People are genuinely invested in our journey and are excited for us. But right now we are in a season of waiting. We’re waiting to get the rest of our money together. We’re waiting to be matched. We’re waiting to hear back from Grant organizations. We’re waiting to shop and set up a nursery. We’re just waiting…. And hoping and praying that everything lines up the way that it needs to.
As of right now we’re about $12,500 away from what we hope will be our final goal. It’s a big number, but when we think about where we started it doesn’t seem so difficult. We can do this. You guys have been so supportive and we are more than willing to put in the work to make it happen. I just carry around this feeling of pressure and anxiety that we’ll get a phone call from Abba and there will be a match but we won’t financially be in the place that we need to be in to say “yes”. I don’t really know what else we can do besides what we’ve been doing and keep praying and every day handing over that anxiety and pressure that I inevitably pick back up the following day. We are really trying our best to honor God in every step of our journey and to trust and wait patiently on His timing, but it’s SO TOUGH some days.
As of now, there are babies being born who were conceived after we started this process. Adoptions started after our adoption will be final before we’re matched. April will mark 1 year that we have seriously been on a mission to add to our family through adoption. Had we announced our pregnancy we’d have a child who was a few months old. Had we been blessed with a child when we first started “trying” we’d probably have a few kids at this point. One of the hardest parts is that we could still be waiting another year or longer before we’re matched. There is no magic timeline for adoption. We can’t start planning or decorating our nursery and it’s possible that our car seat could expire while still in the box. (Really, I had no idea car seats expire?!?!) Our home study could expire and we would have to start that process again. We could be matched only to have the birth mother back out last minute and be left with the heartache of a failed placement and starting over again. I try not to think about those things. The “What-If’s” can steal me of the joy of being an expectant mother. I seriously have to start my day by giving my worries and what-if’s to Jesus.
I know that I am incredibly blessed to be on this journey with Ryan. I would never claim that we have the perfect relationship (contrary to what our small group thinks! Haha!) We have a strong relationship and we are focused on honoring God through our marriage. People jokingly tell us that our relationship will change once we introduce kids to our family. I believe them, but I also know that we’ve experienced our fair share of hardships and heartache in our marriage. We’ve faced things that could tear us apart and cause rifts in our marriage. We have faced infertility, failed dreams and impossible schedules. We’ve worked through them and came through the trying times stronger and closer than ever. We work together as a team and when I’m down he helps me up. When he’s down, I help him up. Kids will offer a new exciting journey full of ups and down and good memories and difficulties. I am SO excited that I get to share this journey with Ryan. He is an amazing husband and I have no doubt that he will make the most incredible daddy. I hope that day comes soon.
For those of you who would like to support us in our most recent fundraiser, the details are posted below. Please leave a comment or send an e-mail to Cera to request a number. You can pay for your envelope or make a donation online by following the link to our Paypal account. This account is directly connected to the bank account we have set up specifically for our Adoption expenses. We are happy to mail “adopted envelopes” to our friends and family out of town if you’re interested in supporting us through this endeavor as well.