Ryan and I are sitting in a hotel room, after a much-too-long nap in Arkansas. The past week and a half have been an absolute whirlwind that has brought us through many (happy) teary phone calls,lots of sleepless nights, and several states to meet the beautiful woman who is carrying our child. Dax’s birth mom. I wake up every morning wondering if someone needs to pinch me because it still doesn’t feel real. Our son is on his way and will be here in 89 short days. I have prayed for this moment to come for longer than I can remember. Now that it’s here, I don’t really know how to adequately put what I’m feeling in to words.
Last week we received the phone call that we had been waiting for. I was sitting beside my best friend and the phone rang- it was Abba. My hands were wet and I didn’t get them dried off in time to answer the phone, but my heart knew that this was the phone call we’d been waiting for. I hurriedly called back and got Kandi’s voice mail… so I told Whitney that I wasn’t moving until the phone rang again. Thankfully, it was only a few minutes and it rang. We were matched. I cried through the whole phone call. Ryan came and was able to listen in on some of the details. He wouldn’t admit it, but I think he cried a little too!
We sat in shock for a few minutes and just looked at each other. We are going to be parents! We have a son! Our son is due in 3 months. There were so many thoughts and emotions all at once. I imagine this is how a couple feels when they first find out that they’re pregnant. We’d been waiting for years. Now it’s happening- and happening quickly!
Yesterday we left as soon as I got off work and headed to Arkansas to meet our birth mom. If there was a hidden camera in our car for that drive, you all would have been in for a treat! We went from giddy excitement to overwhelming anxiety in very short bursts. I mean, how do you prepare for a meeting like this? We had no idea. What would we ask? How would we say hello? How do you say thank you for such a priceless gift? We were a. HOT.mess. We drove until we got into Arkansas and stopped to sleep for the night.
Our sleep was restless, and short, and we were back on the road at 7am for our 11:30 lunch date. We arrived a little late after making a few pit stops along the way. I was so nervous I thought I would pass out. Would she like us? Would she change her mind? Would she question her decision? I’ve been open about being self-conscious about my weight through this journey and it certainly crossed my mind more than a few times. A few deeeeep breaths, a quick prayer- and we walked in.
I’m trying to find a balance between what we want to share, and what we need to hold close to our hearts and keep just for us. I want to share, but I also want to protect our privacy, our son’s privacy and the privacy of the young woman who has chosen us to parent the baby she is carrying. So, I won’t be sharing the details or particulars. There were some awkward silences, some sweet moments and some laughter. I feel like we got to know her a little bit more and will have some things to share with Dax as he grows up about who his birth mother is and the selfless choice she made for him. Her strength and outlook is so admirable. Today was difficult, and fun, and exciting and nerve-wracking…but above all, today was beautiful. I don’t really know how else to describe it.
When we left I asked if I could give her a hug. I hugged her and we said our goodbye’s for now. I teared up as we walked away. It seemed so surreal. I just met the woman who would help make my biggest dream come true. I just spent an afternoon with the woman who was carrying our baby boy. Not only is she giving us this incredible gift- but I genuinely liked her as a person. She was so sweet! It was all too much. I held it together through lunch and didn’t act COMPLETELY goofy (which is typically how I act when I’m this nervous. Thanks, God for helping me hold it together!) So, humor would have it that we were greeted at our car….
with a parking ticket. HAHA!
This past week and a half have been incredible. Our friends and family have rallied around us in HUGE ways. We have a big goal to meet in a short amount of time. We’re nervous. But at this point what choice do we have but to trust that God will provide? He has already done so much! Thank you for your love,support and financial donations. We really couldn’t be here without each and every person who has helped us along the way.
All I can say is thank you Lord. Thank you for writing such an incredible story for our family. My heart is full.