On The Night You Were Born.

images-1Ryan and I were holding hands as we walked into the hospital room. We stopped briefly outside the door to pray. Then, we went in.   It was the scariest, most exciting, most amazing few steps we had ever taken.  This was real.  Our son was coming.  When we walked into the room, we saw “S” in the bed smiling.  Sitting beside her was her mother.  We hadn’t met her mother yet and knew that it could potentially be a tense situation.  However, it was wonderful.  We met her mom “M”,  said our hello’s, and asked for updates on how “S” was doing.  “M” left for awhile and so we sat with “S” and talked.

“S” was a trooper.  When we arrived she had her epidural so she was feeling GOOD.  We watched tv,  made some general chit-chat and waited.  A few hours later “M” came back.  She had gotten gifts for Dax and we opened it.  There were some adorable little outfits,  a butterfly ornament/pendant that had a lot of meaning behind it and the sweetest little baby book I have ever seen.  We talked about how we were feeling and watched tv here and there and waited.

A little while later “S” and “M” met my mom and Andy.  We all sat in the room together for awhile laughing and talking.  We took pictures together and talked and hoped for the future.  Around 9pm Kandi arrived and we continued to talk and laugh.  Honestly,  I could not have imagined a more perfect way to welcome Dax into the world. Certainly there was some anxiety and sadness dancing around the room, but the most overwhelming emotion was love.  The love for Dax was evident in every person there that night.   It still makes me tear up thinking about it.

Early in the morning of September 30th  we knew the time was coming soon.   Around 2am it was time. Everyone left the room except for me, Kandi and “M”.   At 2:50am I witnessed my son enter the world.  He cried immediately and I cried right along with him.  Undoubtedly this was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.  I had the privilege of cutting the umbilical cord.  My haimg_0892nds trembled so fiercely that I was terrified I would hurt him, but the doctor was so kind and reassured me.  “S” held Dax and we all watched him in wonder.   Soon, the time came for me to be able to have some skin to skin time with Dax.  This was it. I was holding my son for the first time.
I can’t even describe to you the feeling. The tears fell again.  My heart.  I swear my heart had to grow just to hold all of the love and emotion I was feeling.  There was such peace in those early morning moments.  Such pure, simple, overwhelming joy.  I remember holding him and just praising God for this perfect gift.  I couldn’t wait to introduce him to Ryan.  Dax had no idea at that moment that he had the best daddy in the whole world sitting out in the waiting room just waiting to meet him.

I was finally able to have Ryan come in.  I was holding Dax.  He walked through the door and I put Dax in his arms.  His face was priceless!  He had this grin that just melted my heart and his eyes were wide  and he had this smile that I think literally lit up the room.  Last night I realized that I had never asked him what was going through his mind when I handed Dax to him.  When I asked him he told me that he was terrified.  He knew he was absolutely in love with him, but was trying to not let himself get too attached in case things didn’t work out.

img_0908It was time for the first bath.  This kid had a head full of hair.  I didn’t realize how much hair he had until they washed it and combed it.  It was so long and beautiful!  He was NOT a fan of his bath.  As I watched the nurse bathe him,  she was such a pro!  I realized that I was going to have to do it next time and I was scared!  But my fear was soon forgotten by his little eyes peeking out!  I swear,  he was the most beautiful baby I have ever laid my  eyes on!

We visited awhile longer.  We took turns holding him.  My mom and step-dad came in to meet him.  It was so beautiful! I was absolutely overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion.  At this point,  it was around 6am? I think?  The hospital staff let us know that our rooms were ready.   “S” had a room to recover in and Ryan and I got a room as well. It was as if I had given birth.  It was such a neat/weird experience.  “S” decided that she would take Dax with her for a bit to spend some time with him.  So we said our goodbye’s and we went to our separate rooms and we waited.

To be continued……

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One thought on “On The Night You Were Born.

  1. It was like we are all there. Your writing just is beautiful you need to consider writing as a full time career you would be excellent. Love you Ryan and Dax

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