Pregnant?

I was cooking dinner and suddenly I was overcome with nausea. I made a funny comment to Ryan about how I was probably pregnant now that we had Dax just like everyone had told us would happen. I laughed and he panicked. He kept asking me how likely it was that I was really pregnant. I came up with a random number of 3%. I mean, we know how it happens. 😏🤗

He continued to worry so I offered to go to the store to get a test. We have done this countless times throughout our marriage. I wasn’t concerned. We have been married 7 years this month and we’ve never been pregnant. It seemed silly to “waste” money on a test.

I came home and did my thing and instantly…


The joke was on me.  I was terrified and happy but mostly in shock and denial. I told a Ryan it was probably a faulty test and I would call my doctor in the morning. He told me he wasn’t shocked I had struggled through statistics class after my failed 3% figure. 😂

We did our best to fumble through our nightly routine and I obsessively dreamed up dreams for our potential new family of 4 and then talk myself off the cliff. I wasn’t really pregnant, was I? 

The next morning I was on the phone with my BFF before 5am. We talked and later that morning she met me at work with chocolate, coffee, a gallon of water and a slew of pregnancy tests.  I went through them. Positive. Positive. (Oh my gosh. Is this really real?) Positive. (I am SO pregnant and my baby will be a big brother at 13 months.) Positive. That’s it.

I’m calling my doctor.

Thankfully I got in that same day. After a whirlwind appointment and “congratulations” that just felt surreal there was this:

Oh. My. Gosh.

Is this real life? Wait, this IS real life. That is a LIFE growing inside of ME. How did this happen? Wait, I know how it happened– but how did it happen to me? We have been married for SEVEN YEARS. Seven! I had dreamed of this, but given up hope. It stopped mattering because we have our son and he is perfect and amazing and the best thing that had ever happened to me. But now, now is this new thing. I swear, I floated out of that office. 

I called Ryan. I texted my best friend. I was allowing this incredible force of joy to sweep over me. Sure, it was unexpected. Certainly it was unintentional, but we were growing our family and I was OVER THE MOON. I floated over to the lab to have blood drawn. 

Ryan left work. We told our parents because I couldn’t contain my excitement but agreed we wouldn’t tell another soul until later on. I was starving since I had been too nervous to eat. Ryan dropped Dax and I off at home and went to pick up a (very) late lunch. 

As I was walking in to the house I was overcome with a very strange sensation. I started to panic and pray over and over ” Lord, please don’t let this be blood.” 

It was. 

Ryan came home and I was in hysterics crying. I was bleeding A LOT. I called my doctor and they told me to come back in.

Things are… confusing?at this point.  My images look the same but everyone agrees that things are likely not good. Because I am very early in this pregnancy, the only thing to do is wait until my new labs are drawn Friday and go from there. 

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